Sleeve Truth

Hey guys, and welcome back! I feel like things are just moving along and I am barely able to catch my breath and take it all in. I survived my first six (6) days of the 14-day liquid diet! I am also happy to report that I am down almost 10lbs! For the first three days I sort of used this blog as a diary and wrote down exactly what was happening and my feelings, and then when things got easier (and I didn't need to vent as much) I just wrote the overall impressions for those days. I learned during these six days that I am stronger than I thought. For the longest time I let food control me and allowed myself to give in to my every craving, so this was a real test for me and I am happy that I stuck exactly to my prescribed diet plan and made it to day six. Also during this time I learned that I was not a fan of chocolate shakes! I love chocolate so much, so I was in shock when those just did not taste right to me and I pretty much had three vanilla shakes a day. Let's see what happens during the remaining nine days. I will update sometime next week. Thank you for all the support and the well wishes for a successful surgery, I really appreciate it!

Day 1

30 minutes after having my morning shake, I found myself going inside the kitchen to make a croissant sandwich. I am not really hungry but I think I went to make it out of habit and also because the croissants are right on the counter - very much in the open - so I think I was tempted. Let's see how the rest of the day goes.

NOON

I am an hour away from my second shake and I am pretty much counting the minutes until 1pm. I am starting to get agitated and seeing the food out in the open is harder than I thought. I think I will need to put it away - out of sight out of mind (let's hope).

Late Afternoon

I had to rush one of the kids to the doctor, so honestly I forgot about food and how hungry I was. Now that I am finally home, I am having the milk that I was suppose to have at 4pm and I do hear the sounds of my stomach rumbling. I don't think I ever ate less in my life - so this is definitely an adjustment.

NIGHT

It definitely became more difficult as the day progressed. My energy levels were way off, and I felt weak. I think my body was just used to eating so much more. I had my last shake, gave my eldest medicine for his hives and went to bed and passed out.

Day 2

I woke up not very energized this morning, and I literally had to drag myself out of bed. I was excited to hear the alarm (I programmed my phone to alert me when I am suppose to have my shakes/milk) and have my protein shake. I am a bit better now and hope that this gets easier as the days progress.

Mid Day

Towards the mid day I was not doing so great, so I texted my doctor and asked if I could have sugar free jello or the sugar free popsicles. She said that that would be fine to add to my shakes and milk regiment. I just needed the sensation that I was chewing something, even if that is jello.

The struggle was real today. I think after having the jello my body was expecting and wanting more, so my stomach was rumbling like crazy. At night, I made chicken soup for the kids and ended up having couple of spoons of chicken soup broth.

Day 3

I am feeling a bit sluggish and having these dizzy spells in this morning. I forgot to place my shake in the refrigerator, so I am late having it. Instead I had jello, I am really getting tired of the jellos. I cannot wait to have that cold protein shake.

TMI ALERT: I have been bad about taking my metamucil and today I paid for it dearly. I never had issues with my stool, so I really didn't think drinking some protein shakes would have an impact on me - but boy was I wrong. So my tip is drink tons of fluids, which I am still not great at doing, and take the metamucil!

Since I was having stomach issues, I was not even hungry or thinking about the food. I drank my shakes and went to bed when the kids went to bed and passed out.

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1grzBAlo7F_aNmKgV_NYu2XiuCdFyHFL-

My everyday snacks

Days 4-5 (Weekend)

During the weekend, the things got a bit better. It's like my stomach knew what to expect and there was no real struggle during the day, until I got to the night. I am a night owl, so I stay up late and either work, clean, journal etc while the kids are sleeping, and this is usually the time that I would snack and eat - so it was hard to train my body that that was no longer happening and that I was done eating for the day.

Also this weekend, the kids wanted pizza and it was very hard smelling it and feeding the younger kid, and not being able to have even one little bite. I think that was definitely my real test. I noticed that I was anxious when I was in the kitchen cleaning or cooking and I just wanted to run away. I think this would have been easier if I didn't have to step inside that kitchen/pantry. Since that was not an option, I just turned my music up when I was in the kitchen and tried to focus on the music instead of the food that was around.

Day 6

I am definitely getting used to the liquid diet. I still have my weak moments, but I have been really good about sticking to the plan, but I need to get better at drinking more water, taking my vitamins and drinking the metamucil. I will work on those three things in the upcoming days, and hopefully it gets easier.

by far my favorite flavor

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My insurance has finally authorized my surgery and the date has been set for early February! I turned 33 recently and I think that my life is about to change. Tomorrow, January 27th, I begin my 14-day liquid diet. I wanted to take a moment and reflect on my feelings and share my thoughts, as they are racing right about now.

with my husband on my 33rd birthday

When I decided to go through with this surgery, I learned about all the foods that I am to avoid after the surgery and some that I am not supposed to have ever again. On my Facebook support group I learned that many people were having "food funerals" and discussing their 'last meals' before beginning their pre-op diets. I have a very complicated relationship with food as I am an emotional eater, and I would turn to food when I was stressed or at a low point emotionally. Heck, I would turn to food when I was happy as well, like I said it was/is a complicated relationship. Food brought me comfort and joy, so when people discussed 'food funerals' I saw it as a way of saying goodbye to the beloved food that probably provided some sense of comfort over the years.

I imagined that I would binge eat my favorite foods and that my 'last meal' would be some sort of pasta, but I was wrong and that was not the case at all. I was very moody today, and found myself in tears couple of times, but I realized that it was not because I was saying 'goodbye' to some specific food that I relied upon for comfort, but rather I was upset with myself, and still am, that I let myself get to this point where at age 32 I was preparing my body (the liquid diet) for this upcoming surgery that will alter my stomach. I think for that reason, I honestly did not even 'enjoy' my food today. I ate what I would eat on a regular day and I think that part of me was afraid of continuing this cycle of turning to food for comfort during a tough day. I wanted in a way to break the cycle and prove to myself that I am indeed ready for this surgery and to make a complete lifestyle change, not just for myself but for my family especially my sons.

ready to make positive changes

Here is my hour-by-hour prescribed liquid diet plan that I intend to follow for the next 14 days. I am very transparent with my VSG journey and I will try to provide couple of updates over the next two weeks discussing my progress and thoughts on the different protein shakes, etc. Wish me luck!!

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I am in the pre-operation stage of this VSG journey and have been going to the bariatric center since November of last year. I am trying to fulfill all of the requirements set by my insurance company so that I can finally get approved for this surgery. I was hoping to have a green light from my insurance company by June 2020 and have the surgery scheduled sometime right after, but things have been delayed due this pandemic and I am not even sure when I can expect to get the approval. Prior to March of this year, I was regularly going to my bariatric appointments and as I noted in my previous blog, I kept track of my food and even started to see some weight loss. Ever since I started working from home in March and limiting my outings, which includes my physical appointments to the bariatric center, I gained a total of fifteen pounds. This means that I gained back all those pounds that I lost from November and then some. To say that I am disappointed in myself is an understatement. I am, however, deciding to not to wallow in my feelings, which would probably lead me to overeat, but rather to go forward and do something about it. Here is what I have done (thus far):

Cut My Hair

I know this one might sound silly, but I decided to cut my hair. In the past, when I was ready for a change and wanted things to be different, I would cut my hair. So that was my starting point in wanting to do things differently and start fresh. Since I am considered high risk, I could not go to a salon and instead I cut my own hair. Let me start off by saying that I have zero training in cutting hair, let alone cutting my own hair. My only experience is cutting my boys hair, which I do with the clippers and I just do an even all around cut that is almost impossible to mess up. So this was my first experience cutting hair with scissors and I had no idea that cutting your own hair could be so difficult! Initially I did not want my hair to be this short, but I kept trying to "fix" it and in all honestly there are still parts that need fixing, but I felt like I would be bald if I continued fixing it any further. I finally just left it alone and to my surprise it did not turn out that bad. I feel so much lighter and my hair routine is quicker and I am not suffering as much in this heat when I do go outside.

Bought a Treadmill

Next, I decided to purchase a treadmill. I am unable to go to the gym at this time and even before the pandemic I found excuses not to go and often times felt guilty leaving my kids at home and taking that time to go and workout. Prior to having kids, I used to go to the gym at least two times a day and I remember how much I enjoyed tracking how much I walked on the treadmill and trying to beat my time the next day. Also, working out or even walking outside in this hot/humid Florida weather is pure torture and I just do not enjoy it. I did not have many requirements when looking for a treadmill, other than wanting one with a high weight capacity and one that just worked. I went with the Sole F80 Treadmill (pictured below). This one had pretty good reviews (compared to others in that price range) and the weight capacity is 375lbs, which is more than enough for my situation. There is a downside and that is that the treadmill is backordered and will not be shipped for 45 days from the date of the purchase. I was finally in the right head space and excited about working-out, so I am a bit disappointed that I have to wait to receive the treadmill, but at least I made the leap and purchased one.

Started Using MyFitnessPal and Baritastic App

I stopped logging my food back in March and I noticed the negative impact that it had on me. I guess I like numbers and I like things to be predictable. Without logging my food, I feel like I am mindlessly eating and snacking, and I am not realizing how quickly those calories are adding up. I decided to start up my MyFitnessPal in conjunction with the Baritastic App. I am part of two Facebook VSG support groups, and I have seen many people discuss and say great things about the Baritastic App. I thought that this would be a great time to maybe start with both (at least for a week or so) and see which one I prefer. I am a creature of habit, so as of now I am leaning towards MyFitnessPal, because it's comfortable and I have been using it since college. But maybe I will find something that is more appealing about the other one, since it's geared for people going through weight loss surgeries. I will be happy to report and let you know what I like/dislike about each after using them for at least couple of weeks.

Well those are the three things I decided to start with after seeing my weight gain this month and if you are in the same boat, I hope this inspires you to make a positive change. If you have any other ideas, please reach out because I would love to hear from you. Again, thank you for the support as I go through this journey.

All my best,

Danijela

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To be completely honest, I have been struggling. Going through the pre-operation process while in quarantine has been pretty difficult. Prior to the quarantine, I had a solid routine, I was going to my pre-op appointments and logging my food daily and as a result, I was seeing progress (not very significant, but it was still progress) and then suddenly everything changed.

Due to my weight and other medical issues, I am considered high risk and with all the unknowns, especially at the very beginning of this pandemic, it was very important for me to stay at home as long as possible. I started teleworking on March 17th, and I kept both of the kids home from daycare. I have to say that I am extremely thankful that my employer had the technical capability to implement teleworking so early on and that I was able to continue to work and earn a living during this crazy uncertain time.

My husband works for the hospital and is considered an essential worker, which means he is not home as much as I want him to be. So on top of working full-time from home and trying to make the transition from office to home as seamless as possible, I was also homeschooling my five-year old, taking care of my toddler, cooking, cleaning and taking care of the house. In the midst of all of this madness, I still tried to count my calories and stay as healthy as possible, but I stopped logging my food intake on MyFitnessPal.

As someone that is a self-proclaimed perfectionist, I tried to do my absolute best and wear all of these different hats at the same time without showing any struggle, but my body started to give me signs that things were not okay and that maybe I needed to slow down. At the end of May, I took three days off of work to recharge, but instead of relaxing, I was trying to jam pack everything into that work-free time: coming up with a new toy organization system, taking on DIY projects, organizing and decluttering the kitchen and the pantry, deep cleaning every inch of my house - and my body just had enough. I developed this rash that appeared out of nowhere and was all over my chest, face and arms.

Thankfully, I did not have any other symptoms. After speaking to my doctor and the urgent care physician, I decided that due to the coronavirus, it would be best to wait and see if the rash spreads and if I develop any other symptoms. The rash was pretty persistent, but it did not spread. It took about two weeks, but the rash is finally gone!

I honestly think that my body was having a reaction to the astronomical amount of stress that I placed on my self by trying to be absolutely perfect at everything. Even though I was extremely stressed, I did not let it show. I just kept a smile on my face and suppressed all the struggle and worry inside, and I think this rash was a manifestation of all of that coming to the surface, literally. It was a wake-up call and I realized that I needed to take a step back. I had this thought about when the quarantine finally ends, what will I have to show for being home all of this time. I now realize that just because I am physically home does not mean that I have to complete every single DIY project on my list or deep clean every inch of my house, or organize every single aspect of this home in order to feel accomplished. I honestly see that being able to sustain a full-time job from home, while taking care of my kids and making sure they are happy and healthy is more than enough, and anything else added to that list is just a wonderful bonus.

Since I am all about honesty, I have to admit that I almost did not start this Sleeve Truth blog, because I wanted so badly to have everything in my life be in this absolute perfect order before I started writing again. I now know that if I waited for that perfect order, I would have never started writing at all. I realize that I do not need this unattainable perfection just to begin living and loving life. I am trying to use this blog as my creative outlet, and my goal is to write a blog post biweekly and connect with others going through this experience. Instead of suppressing everything inside, I really would like to share my truth (along with the lessons learned) in the hopes that it offers some guidance or reflection to others on variety of topics.

Thank you so much for reading my first full blog post! Please let me know your strategies for coping with stress, especially during this pandemic.

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